Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
