Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
