Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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