I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
