Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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