I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
