Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just gift wrapped bread.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
