I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
