im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
