i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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