it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
time to smoke my breakfast
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
