Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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