just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
