I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
