no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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