I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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