I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
