I look better un-naked...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
