Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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