Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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