he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Is it because I queefed?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
