Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
