she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
In America we eat man semen.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
