I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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