it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
