I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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