sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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