You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
