I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
