return my video game
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
