she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
