We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
