i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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