omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
