Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
