Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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