I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
