I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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