How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
