Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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