In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
