I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
