That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
