Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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