I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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