Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
