dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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