I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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