the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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