How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
